❮Reading❯ ➵ Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life ➭ Author Henry Cloud – Transportjobsite.co.uk


Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life quotes Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, litcharts Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, symbolism Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, summary shmoop Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life 996c5361 Having Clear Boundaries Is Essential To A Healthy, Balanced Lifestyle A Boundary Is A Personal Property Line That Marks Those Things For Which We Are Responsible In Other Words, Boundaries Define Who We Are And Who We Are Not Boundaries Impact All Areas Of Our Lives Physical Boundaries Help Us Determine Who May Touch Us And Under What Circumstances Mental Boundaries Give Us The Freedom To Have Our Own Thoughts And Opinions Emotional Boundaries Help Us To Deal With Our Own Emotions And Disengage From The Harmful, Manipulative Emotions Of Others Spiritual Boundaries Help Us To Distinguish God S Will From Our Own And Give Us Renewed Awe For Our Creator Often, Christians Focus So Much On Being Loving And Unselfish That They Forget Their Own Limits And Limitations When Confronted With Their Lack Of Boundaries, They Ask Can I Set Limits And Still Be A Loving Person What Are Legitimate Boundaries What If Someone Is Upset Or Hurt By My Boundaries How Do I Answer Someone Who Wants My Time, Love, Energy, Or Money Aren T Boundaries Selfish Why Do I Feel Guilty Or Afraid When I Consider Setting Boundaries Dr Henry Cloud And Dr John Townsend Offer Biblically Based Answers To These And Other Tough Questions, Showing Us How To Set Healthy Boundaries With Our Parents, Spouses, Children, Friends, Co Workers, And Even Ourselves


10 thoughts on “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

  1. says:

    One of the most life changing books I have ever read.Judgmental people BEWARE Do not mock this review No, not even in your head If you have come here to gloat and feel superior to someone you think is an idiot for liking something so clearly beneath your Literature IQ, do me a favor and stop reading right now I mean it Go away Are you gone Ok, good As I was saying, this book is one of the greatest, most life changing books I have ever read People who are critical of that statement have never been in the place I was when I was seventeen years old No really, they haven t Because if they were, they would understand the reason why someone like me would need a book like this so badly When I was on the brink of adulthood, I possessed zero knowledge of the skills one needs to lead a healthy, mature life Like many of the people used as examples in this book, I had been victimized my entire life by people who had no concept of what respecting others entails I had little concept of self respect, personal rights and responsibilities, and when I should use the word no In short, I had no boundaries This book taught me everything my family of origin and religious leaders had failed to teach me that I deserve respect, and that there are skills out there I need to learn to get it Now, three plus years later, I still reference this book in times of need As with all self help books, this guide can only show you the way, it can t tell you how to get there You need to figure that out for yourself I m still on my journey, and I m nowhere near where I need to be, but this book has been an enormous help I don t know where I d be today had I never found it.


  2. says:

    I m not a huge fan of Christian lite self help writing because it so often feels formulaic, especially when the authors start each chapter with cheesy anecdotes from their own practice However, I m giving Cloud and Townsend a pass because the ideas put forth in Boundaries have so completely revolutionized my view on the subject The authors give solid Biblical backing for why boundaries are important, how they are formed, and how to set them in your own life I especially appreciated that they tackled several key myths about boundaries i.e Won t I hurt others if I set boundaries Aren t Christians supposed to be generous and self sacrificing Isn t it selfish to think about yourself Even the anecdotes felt useful in this book as they gave practical and clear examples of the boundary making process Despite being written from a Christian perspective, I think this book would be useful for anyone who struggles with boundaries in his or her life whether setting and maintaining them, feeling guilty about having them, or having trouble respecting the boundaries of others.


  3. says:

    Not what I expected I decided to read this after seeing some glowing reviews So I opened the book, read the introduction A Day in a Boundaryless Life describing a day of a lady who s unable to refuse anyone but feels resentful and guilty about her resentfulness, and a couple of pages on the book Then skipped to the end, A Day in a Life with Boundaries , describing the same person who has successfully set boundaries, and doesn t hesitate to say no any Well, it s not for me In my view the person by the end of the book has went from one extreme to the other Sure she may not have been able to handle all the tasks she took upon herself in the beginning, but surely she can sometimes make sacrifices but by the end it didn t look that way I was sort of irritated with her both times So I guess I don t really struggle with the boundaries I know that there are times you need to make time for yourself take care of yourself, so you can better take care of others principle Indeed, I think I may be too much on the other side, of saying no too much sort of Not going to read further


  4. says:

    This book is life changing Turns out a discussion of boundaries is really a discussion about every single relationship in your life, your personal self worth and discipline, your childhood, and your religion The good doctors come at this from a Christian perspective, but they pull no punches in addressing the massive problem Christians, in particular, have with these issues At every turn, they are brutally honest, logical, and biblical The end result is the encouragement and empowerment to live a centered life, free of guilt and balanced in God s will.


  5. says:

    Not in my normal genre so I can t give this 5 StarsSCREW THAT 5 Stars, 5 Stars, 5 Stars 100 Stars if I could give 100 stars Sigh Oh well, 5 Stars it is This is a book that every human being alive or dead should be required to read Christian or Non Christian alike Yes, Cloud and Townsend relate the idea of Boundaries to God However, this idea of boundaries and how we apply them to ourselves and other people is universal And it blew my mind I never thought about this idea of boundaries and I have already been working since reading this book on establishing strong, clear, biblical boundaries with myself and others I can see boundaries every where now Perhaps just as easily seen as established boundaries are the lack thereof And even though I have only just begun practing better boundaries, and I have by no means arrived, it s so easy for me to see where others could benefit from establishing their own boundaries And as with anything else, because this is truly the way God intended things to be, it is so easy to see how much better life would be with properly established boundaries I truly want to thank these authors for breaking this down for anyone and everyone who might take the time to read this book And I want to thank my friend, Kay, for introducing me to this book and opening up a whole new world to me I will say that I will be investing in the other books they have written on boundaries Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries with Kids, Boundaries with Teens, etc I really don t know what else to say about it Honestly, this is one of those books that I could probably go on and on and on about, but I d just end up repeating myself Only other thing I ll say on the subject of this book other than YOU MUST READ THIS is that it s totally okay to take your time with this book Read it slowly, soak it in You ll be glad that you did.


  6. says:

    Having issues with setting boundaries, I was really excited to start reading this book based on all the wonderful reviews on Imagine my disappointment when I did start and found it utterly ordinary In fact, it was rather difficult to finish I feel like half the book was about understanding the different ways you are not setting boundaries OK, I get it to find a solution, you need to know the problem But that was a lot of background.Then, there are chapters for each type of relation that you may be having issues setting boundaries with parents, children, spouses, at work, with yourself, and with God But they were all the same started off with a story about Nancy and Nick, or Billy and Susan, Janice, Shareen, etc Then a listing of how boundaries could be a problem in this relationship didn t we just spend the first 50% of the book going over this and finally some ways to address these boundary issues like you need to know your worth, or find a support group In fact, the one thing I did get out of this book is that for me to set boundaries, I need a support group, I can t do it myself.The book then ends with an example of how setting boundaries makes your life so much better I understood that, hence my purchasing of this book In all, rather disappointed by the book.


  7. says:

    I m not done reading the book yet, so I may update this later The fact is, if I wasn t reading this book for a book group, I don t think I would go any further, or gotten as far as I have.The thing I hate the most in this one is how much scripture is quoted The authers feel like they have to back up every sentance they right with scripture in order to make what they just said okay To accomplish this they often end up twisting the words of the orginal authors and take things out of context I hate it when people do this The other thing is. how they betray Christians in terms of boundries I will use the example of one of the portriats they present in the book Apperiently Debbie was working weekends at her job and not getting paid That wasn t her issue Her issue was that after setting her boundry she felt angery and she was worried about the anger Who in their right mind would do that And who would honestly feel guilty about feeling angery about it Honestly to read the book Boundries you would think that all Christians are total morans just standing in the middle of the othe highway of life, begging to be run over by a flet of fully loaded 18 wheelers I feel like screaming at these people I guess if you have severe boundry issues and can t say no to anyone for anything, this book is for you.


  8. says:

    I listened to this on tape while driving, but I intend to go back and read it probably than once so that it can thoroughly seep into my head This is a great book for anyone who has problems saying no to family, friends, church assignments, coworkers, or themselves It s really good for anyone who has a RELATIONSHIP with any of the aforementioned, which is essentially everyone FOLLOWUP I had to return this to the library, without finishing it I am having a very difficult time with nonfiction books right now, especially ones that inspire me to take notes I filled up five pages after getting about 2 3rds of the way through This is definitely a book worth reading, when you can give it your full attention Unfortunately, I m in need of escapism and fun right now than thought provoking, so I ll have to check it out again at a later date But it is a fantastic book, and I m glad I listened to it.


  9. says:

    My wife asked me to read this book, so that she could get my insights on it I ended up liking the book I think that it includes valuable information about taking ownership of your own life and divesting yourself of the notion that you can control others, or that your life somehow depends on others At the same time, the book wasn t without its problems.Like almost everything I review, there were a few typos mostly the sort of thing that can t be caught by spell check software a B instead of an M in my, for example , and all of them minor context clues provided the correct meaning easily But I feel obligated to mention them, all the same.I found the lack of references in the book particularly jarring In a lot of ways, Boundaries purports to be a scholarly work, something focused on psychological healing and spiritual development, but it doesn t mention any papers, or studies, or journals, or scientific inquiries The endnotes in the book are reserved for see also suggestions I gather that the authors were working from their own practice, but a few references to a little research would have gone a long way to earn my placidity.The book contains a very large number of what I call pastor stories Probably, these vignettes come from actual examples in the authors private practice, with the names and details changed to protect patient confidentiality but they come across as those stories used by pastors to prove a point You know the ones anecdotes about people who only have first names, with no clear evidence to suggest that they are factual, but they perfectly and conveniently encapsulate the message that the pastor is trying to get across I don t trust stories like these, and while the clinical experience of the authors lends a little credence to them, I m still not a fan.The authors have, in my opinion, an incorrect view of both love and marriage They assert that love is primarily a feeling, rather than an action indeed, that action without feeling is worthless in the case of love this may correspond with their experience, but it implies that a marriage without that loving feeling should end Marriages, while I m on the subject, are also not relationships of unconditional love, according to the authors I do not mean only in practice, for definitely there are countless marriages that are not based on unconditional love, but I mean the authors suggest that marriages should not be so There seems to be a misapprehension of why work is bad in the modern mind The authors insist that work existed before the Fall in a probable misreading of the poetic structure of Genesis 1 3, but I digress , but I am reminded of Bill Watterson s Calvin and Hobbes It s not work unless somebody makes you do it The reason work is unpleasant is that we define unpleasant tasks as work To fill the earth and subdue it may have been a great challenge, and an enormous task, but it wasn t work until the Fall You may find this a minor nitpick, but you get what you pay for with these reviews, and I don t recall being paid anything In the vein of their pastor stories, the authors also supply every story in the book with a happy ending This strikes me as extraordinarily unlikely Even so, I m surprised that doctors with clinical experience would suggest this result It s simply not possible that every story ends happily, but the authors imply that, no matter your circumstances, if you simply say no, to your spouse friend parent self, that person will eventually respect your no and become the person you ve always wanted them to be Emotionally abuse husband Tell him no a few times and he ll realize what a wonderful person you are and treat you better Of course, because no emotionally abusive husbands become physically abusive when their victims exhibit signs of resistance Susie told Jack to do his own job and stop making her do it Her boss figured out that Jack was the problem and told him to shape up Jack did so, and everyone is happy Of course, because no one has ever been blamed for somebody else s shoddy work, right I just don t see it being possible in every case.Perhaps my biggest struggle is the authors tendency to blame absolutely every poor character trait on the parents of the unpleasant person No one ever made a bad decision for themselves, it seems, but everything bad about you is your parents fault Only you can fix it, of course, but they re the ones that made you this way they didn t teach you good boundaries, or they tried to control you with guilt or anger, or they only looked out for themselves and did not respect your needs or boundaries, or the list goes on As a child myself, I can recall times that I made my own bad decisions, and I cannot trace my current problems to my parents They weren t perfect, of course, but they aren t to blame for all of my hardships As a parent myself, I find it hard to believe that every bad decision my son makes will rest on my head when judgment day comes it s just not a reasoned position to take here.As I said, I eventually ended up liking the book which may be hard to believe, at this point, but it s true The final few chapters, especially, have very good points that are important to internalize if you have any boundary problems at all and most people probably do The practical advice finally starts kicking in and the nebulous examples take a backseat to a informative style There are a lot of insightful directions to help you set boundaries in your life, and it really is useful.Yet, I must admit sadly, there are even problems in these final sections For one thing, there are a few glaring omissions from their practical advice and examples extended family and in laws come to mind most readily Both extended family and a spouse s family can be tremendous violators of boundaries, but since they had no effect on your childhood development, they don t get their own chapters unlike parents, friends, spouses, and self, which can all be traced back to poor parenting by your own folks The second major problem in this section is assumptions Go to your support group, they write, as if support groups were in every church, or grew on trees, and could be trustworthy and reliable wherever they may be found Assumptions like these make the practical advice difficult, but other, simpler advice must first be sought out like How to Find or Develop a Support Group 101.As I said, I did like the book I think it s a good resource but you don t have to read every page and paragraph, either Look for the good if you start getting bogged down in it, I don t think you would miss much to skip ahead a few paragraphs, or a chapter Look for what is most relevant to your situation, and I think you would do well.


  10. says:

    I was hesitant at first to read this book because the synopsis referred to Christians and being that I am not Christian and not seeking to live a Christian lifestyle, I didn t think it would be for me However, I did start to read the first chapter and soon discovered it was indeed for me I may not be a Christian, however I was raised Christian therefore learned about boundaries the way Christian see them, a bit too loose and forgiving.The book may make scripture references but not so much that it threw me off, I could easily skip over the parts that didn t resonate with me For the most part, the book did a great job identifying our pitfalls with letting others invade our boundaries or refusing to put up any boundaries to begin with How do people know they have crossed the line if you never drew the line Or we keep moving the line back to avoid confrontation of a crossed line This book covers boundaries in every part of life from personal to family to work I know that others books were written to cover a specific aspect like Boundaries at Work I found this book invaluable to me in helping me identify my lack of boundaries and how to be assertive when others are going to violate them.Overall an easy read with a lot of common sense information that some of us may just be in denial about.


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